Goodbye (sober) 2024: The results of my experimental year of sobriety are IN!

The highs and lows (and highs) of life on the wagon (Part One)

Hello everybody,

Before we get into dissecting my past year of no booze, did you do your Past Year Review yet?

If not, I invite/heavily encourage you to set aside an hour over the next few days to do this exercise. To get reflective as a way to get intentional about how you'll be spending your time, money and energy in 2025. It's simple, it's free, and I promise you it'll be the best gift you can give yourself and those you love (and I'll be in the Members Chat tonight at 7pm to answer any questions/be your accountability partner ready to receive any of your 2024/2025 insights/plans).

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My gift for you: A guided Past Year Review

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Now... on to my 2024. And more specifically, my SOBER 2024.

MY SOBER 2024: INTRODUCTION

In January 2024 I decided to go sober for the year as an experiment in self-development.

I decided this after interviewing 13 people in the sober space for a pop-up Shelf Help podcast to support Dry January 2024, including; Bryony Gordon (Mad Girl/Woman, Glorious Rock Bottom, Mental Health Mates) and Ruby Warrington (Sober Curious), and being completely inspired by the amazing things they are doing with their lives, how much they seem to get done in a day, the communities they have created, and their general smug AF glow.

Well, I decided to at least try and go sober for the year. Because I've been inspired by sober heroes before, but never quite enough to stick at it for very long.

I've been 'sober curious' for almost 10 years in fact, being one of the the first journalists to start writing about 'mindful drinking' back in early 2015.

Before that I was mostly drunk or hungover for at least 20 years (I’m 47 now). And so it's fair to say that it's been a process. A long and winding road starting with a couple of rock bottoms also - unsurprisingly - around 10 years ago (yes, it is possible to have more than one RB, no I wouldn't recommend it), and bouncing between dry spells (lots of Dry Januarys and Sober Octobers, one 3-month, willpower-powered, booze-free stint) and 'wet as hell' spells (the summer of 10 festivals, my 'Retox' parties thrown on 1st Feb, getting paid to review bars as a booze writer, the Friday nights that ended on Monday mornings etc etc).

Being sober-curious means being mindful of your drinking habits and choosing when and if to drink – instead of doing so out of habit, or to meet social expectations.

• ADF: Alcohol and Drug Foundation

In 2014 TJ's defence (and for a bit of context); she was born to a disinterested and alcoholic dad (estranged by the time I was in my late 20s, he’d escaped to Thailand to drink himself to death by my early 30s), she did start binge drinking at high school as a way to self-medicate her way through messy family stuff, she did come of party age in the ladette era, and she did pursue a career in media, working in several of the biggest, most notorious and most stressful newsrooms on the planet.

Oh yeah, and alcohol is a super fun but also super addictive, super cheap and completely legal substance that rewires your body and brain to want/need more of it at the same time as it’s slowly killing you.

All of that to say, she (I) had a lot of unlearning to do. So maybe 10 years is't too bad in the grand scheme of things.

And don't we teach what we most need to learn (unlearn)?

My 2015 Detox/Retox column for the MailOnline. Yellow jacket, model’s own. Copious red flags, just out of shot…

These days I am evangelical about self-development and I teach people how to make positive change. I do this because back in that 'hot mess' era I discovered self-help and it changed my life.

I founded The Shelf Help Club as a way to spread the self-help magic and support others to change their lives, and as Chief Shelfie I'm a 'lead by example' kinda boss. I very much consider myself a 'work in progress', learning and unlearning and doing The Work alongside this amazing community as we each strive to heal and grow and create good, happy lives.

I've read at least 600 self-help books (including dozens on sobriety and recovery). I'm regularly interviewing global well-being experts. I know a lot about how to design a good life. And I've known for a looooooong time that the best thing I could do for my personal healing, happiness and growth would be to permanently reframe my relationship with booze.

And I have resisted this knowledge like a stubborn mother f@cker.

Which makes no sense, on paper. But I’m sure makes lots of sense to anyone who loves a drink, and maybe - like me - is really really good at it.

Mindful drinking is an attitude and mindset. Drinking mindfully is actively asking yourself questions about why you drink, without judgement.

• Drink Aware

There’s lots of science behind the ‘double think’ of wanting to stop doing something but also not wanting to, and we know that addiction rewires our brain to make dumb decisions.

But ultimately, when you’ve read enough self-help books, you learn that the thing you most resist is the thing you most need to do. (DAMMIT!)

I’ve read enough books, and done enough Work to know why I drink (see ‘context’ above).

I also know why I shouldn’t drink.

But knowledge is only potential power (said Sir Francis Bacon) and at some point, for change to happen, contemplation and information need to lead to action. So 2024 became my year of actually doing the damn thing and changing how I drink.

“Knowledge is only potential power. It becomes power only when, and if, it is organised into definite plans of action, and directed to a definite end.”

• Sir Francis Bacon

It was time to challenge my habits and beliefs around booze (and myself), to surrender to that inner knowing and ‘tap tap tap’ of my potential self. To trust in my current self and the change process I preach, and to set the (quite epic for this party starter) challenge of one year alcohol-free.

And. As of writing this (Sunday 29th December) I made it. I did it, guys!!! No booze for one whole year. I will soon be 365 days alcohol-free. 🤸🤸🤸🤸

January 2024: One week in to the challenge and the first big test showed up in the form of ‘free’ champagne at the Virgin lounge in Heathrow…

MY SOBER 2024: THE VERDICT

So, apart from having an entirely ethanol-free system, what’s changed?

I have learned SO MUCH about myself and what’s important to me.

I have felt everything - good and bad.

I have leaned into the tough, sad, stressful, boring, anxious times and used the tools I’ve learned from 7+ years of self-help work to move through them (incase we needed a reminder that this sh!t works!).

And I have ridden the happy, excited, celebratory, silly and fun times and learned that FOMO is real, but it doesn’t kill you. And that experiencing these things without a drink makes them even more precious. It really does.

The headlines:

• Booze doesn't add anything to my life. Nada.

• No hangovers x 365 days has given me at least 730 extra hours in my year (that’s time to read almost 90 books!)

• Going sober for a year is the best thing I have ever ever done for my self-development and mental health...

• ...but I also couldn't have got here without doing all that previous work on my self-development and mental health

• My biggest challenge was/is missing out on people time, trying to work out where I fit socially and finding ways to connect and bond that don’t involve alcohol (I can confirm that I’m 100% NOT a secret introvert and staying in for the rest of my life isn’t an option)

• I can miss drinking madly and not want to drink at the same time (a great article simplifying the science on that HERE)

• I will always love a party, but I love myself and my vision for Shelf Help more

• It’s hard not drinking, but I can do hard things, and I will continue to choose this hard thing over the alternative

And whatever happens next, I am super super proud of myself.

I promised I would do something and I did it.

All those times I was offered a cocktail (or three). All those times it would have been the easiest, most comforting, most ‘TJ’ choice to join in. All those times when no one was watching, I chose not to drink and I chose myself.

For one whole year I have chosen myself. Bored at home, or nervous before a big event, or on a plane, or toasting a big birthday, or at a free bar in the sunshine with my favourite humans, I chose myself.

And even better than the benefits of feeling and looking like a new woman, of reading almost 100 extra books and of the smug AF glow I’ve been told I now emit (#prouddface ✨), the self-esteem boost that choosing myself has brought is utterly priceless.

I wish wish wish I could bottle this feeling and share it with you all, but - you may know this already - the only way to experience this feeling is to DO. THE. THING.

Smug AF

I've been journalling along the way (of course I have!) and incase booze is your thing, I’ll be sharing the high and lowlights of my S-log (my ‘sober blog’) in the next week or so as inspo for anyone considering a Dry Jan.

But whatever your thing (and if you’re still reading, I’m assuming there’s at least one aspect of your life/self that needs some TLC) I hope this post has given you a little nudge towards moving from contemplation (considering the change) to action (doing the thing!).

And I hope that you’ll consider letting Shelf Help and I support you on that journey in 2025.

I’ll be announcing our new BOTM on Weds (1st Jan), and it’s a BRILLIANT one for anyone looking to create some healthy new habits in any area of life.

(Join us as a Clubhouse member before 31st Dec and you’ll lock in early bird prices for life).

Thank you for reading, thank you for being here and inspiring me to choose myself. It’s hard doing the hard things, but - as Bryony Gordon told me - it’s much easier than the alternative,.

And what a privilege it is to be able to choose to work on ourselves.

Sending so much love from SHC HQ, and wishing you a brilliant year.

Toni 💛