Editor's Letter #11: Some extreme things I have done in the name of healing
Magic mushrooms, Tony Robbins, yoni steaming, Bikram challenges, colon cleanses, tea with shamans and eye-gazing with strangers… every little helps!
Hello everybody,
I’ve been reading self-help fanatically for 10 years, and if you’re looking to books to heal you, I have good and bad news:
The books are only the beginning.
The books are only the beginning.
That’s the good AND the bad news.
Bad news because; all that reading and learning needs to be turned into action before change can happen, meaning you’re going to also have to do some Work.
And good news because; the people, places and experiences that the insights from the books will lead you to are what’s really going to rock - and heal - your world.
“Without action, knowledge is often meaningless. As Aristotle put it, to be excellent we cannot simply think or feel excellent, we must act excellently.”
- Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage
When I first started reading and doing self-help I didn’t know that I needed to heal. I just knew that something had to change and I was willing to do pretty much anything to stop feeling (and behaving) the way I was.
And so I’ve spent the last 10 years trusting the process, saying yes to the things that scare me, saying no to things that don’t serve me, and regularly surprising the hell out of myself in the name of self-discovery and - ultimately - healing.
How We Heal is our Book Club read for July and August, and to celebrate I thought I’d share some of the weird, woo and wonderful things I’ve done (so far) in pursuit of a healthy and happy life (spoiler alert - it’s working!)
This is by no means a comprehensive list, just the first 10 things that came to mind 😆. Some other things I’ve done that are not included below are; reiki training, tarot reading, yoni steaming, drinking epsom salts, writing letters to my spirit animal, a 30-day Bikram yoga challenge (when I was also working 60+ hour weeks 😵), chanting under the full moon, public speaking, gatecrashing a Mel Wells seminar, taking part in a group seance, and cutting my dad out of my life.
And I’m not suggesting you need to reject a parent, steam your bits or cleanse your colon to heal your heart.
BUT if you want something to change, you will need to do some things differently.
I’m hoping this week’s list will show you that healing can come in many forms. And that while anything new can seem extreme at first, it can also be the start of something wonderful.
(And if you are looking to start - or revisit - your own healing journey, this is my invitation to you to start with the right book, and the best cheerleaders, and join our online Read-along of How We Heal, kicking off this Monday 14th July).
As always, you can RSVP with any questions.
Big love from SH HQ.
Toni 💛
❤️🩹 10 Things I’ve Done in the Name of Healing
1. I’ve read 600 self-help books.
At least. Finding Paul McKenna’s ‘Change Your Life in 7 Days’ in an Oxfam book shop back in 2015 ignited a passion for self-development that also reignited my passion for reading. I now spend most of my free time with my nose or ears in a book, and understanding the Self (mine and yours) is my passion, priority and purpose in life.
2. I’ve done a lot of eye-gazing.
Both with myself (known as ‘mirror work’; looking at yourself in the mirror and saying nice things - or at least trying to - inspired by another early read; You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay), and also with complete strangers at various hippy and well-being events, including Just Breathe group meditation sessions, and transformational breath workshops led by (the excellent) Rebecca Dennis. NB I still hate eye-gazing. I find it deeply uncomfortable and want to run a mile anytime it’s suggested, but no one said healing was easy, and - having read all those bloody books - I know that the things we most resist are the things we most need to do.
3. I’ve had afternoon tea with a Shaman (Shaman Durek on his Spirit Hacking book tour).
I’ve also experienced (several) shamanic healing sessions, which seem to mostly involve hypnosis and chanting and feathers and sage. The magical, Turkish-Italian Ayda (now a friend), was my first experience of a shaman, helping me heal my inner child and make peace with being child-free in this lifetime. (She also gave tarot readings at my 40th birthday party at Pikes, Ibiza, and loves a rooftop cocktail. Because - like healing - shamans also come in many forms 🪩).
4. I’ve travelled alone.
Nothing too intrepid. But having solo adventures around the world has been a crucial part of me learning to be alone without feeling lonely, as well as seeing myself as a capable and whole human. (As a journalist I would often take part in group trips where I didn’t know anyone, meaning I was able to use any downtime to practise being alone with my thoughts and - often - my journal. Trips involving the sea or ocean have been particularly healing, including a basic beach bungalow in Formentera, an ocean-view terrace in the Hamptons, and a retreat house in Bilbao).
5. I’ve sober danced. A lot.
Including; pre-breakfast raves in warehouses, ecstatic dance and 5 Rhythms in town halls, weddings, festivals, day parties, after parties, Ibiza. The dance floor has always been my happy place, and I didn’t know if I could face it without booze. But I really wanted to. So I kept trying. I keep trying. And I can tell you that it does get easier, and that - eventually - you may even come to enjoy dance floors SO MUCH MORE without the drink. NB my sober journey has also been 10 years in the making, including various 1, 2 and 3 month stints on the wagon, spells attending AA and AlAnon, lots of time falling off the wagon and - the absolute best thing I have done for my self-development - going sober for a year.
6. I’ve taken (too many) magic mushrooms.
For clarity, the definition of ‘sober’ that I live by is: not affected by alcohol; not drunk [Oxford dictionary]. And while my aim now in life is to be a (very) moderate drinker, I can also accept that I do love a ‘party’ party sometimes and I am not averse to some fungi-fuelled fun. Most of the times I’ve had mushrooms they’ve been a fun way to amplify the night/get the giggles with friends in a field (very healing in its own right). But, safe in a woodland cabin with some very good friends, I have once underestimated the strength of a mushroom ‘tea’ and instead of the fun catch-up time with my girls that I anticipated (you know who you are) I spent four hours talking to the Norfolk trees. Which was more fun that it sounds. The trees had some amazing wisdom on life to share (which annoyingly I completely forgot the second I came back to real life) and the experience gave me a profound sense of connection and peace that has never really left.
7. I’ve spent 5 days with Tony Robbins in a stranger’s flat.
During lockdown, the famous motivational speaker and success coach, Tony Robbins, took his intense events online, including Unleash the Power Within, a 5-day experience that I’d had on my vision board forever, but that costs thousands to attend in real life and was still out of my price league online. A friend of a friend with online access (and someone I had only just started to get to know), invited me to join her. I said ‘yes’ and moved in for the week (this was towards the end of lockdown when moving around became easier), catapulting myself out of my comfort zone before the unleashing of the power with Tony had even started (new person, new surroundings, the juicing plan we’d decided to do so we wouldn't have to think too much about food). The Tony Robbins experience was everything I had hoped for (I even chopped a piece of wood in two with my bare hands). And - even better - the ‘friend of a friend’ is now one of my self-help besties and we do woo stuff like this together on the regular
8. I’m doing a ‘slow read’ of A Course In Miracles.
I know reading a book doesn’t sound ‘extreme’, but, including the workbook, this is a 1000+ page book about the meaning of life, channelled from Source and written in old-fashioned, biblical style tiny text. So far, so weird. And very often very hard to decipher during the early morning reading routine I’ve adopted. BUT Marianne Williamson and Gabrielle Bernstein are devotees, it supports the Law of Attraction teachings that I’m drawn to and I am 100% on board with its central premise; that we are all connected to each other and to Source, and that our natural state is love and joy.
9. I rescued a dog.
Again, not seemingly particularly ground breaking or extreme, but Mylo is my first pet as an adult, our first pet as a couple, and - as a pup from unknown family origin and rescued from a roundabout in Eastern Europe - he came with some serious behavioural challenges that seriously blew up our lives in 2021. Mr Shelf Help and I didn’t have a clue what we were doing when Mylo first arrived, and we had started to come to terms with the fact that life as we knew it was over. BUT time, love, high value treats and doing The Work with the support of a collection of local ‘dog whisperers’ worked their magic, and today we both agree that Mylo and the unconditional love we have learned from him is one of the best things about our lives.
10. I started a self-help book club.
If you never met TJ 1.0 you might not believe it, but sharing my feelings was never my favourite thing to do. Hated it, in fact. Just ask my 2015 therapist about those looooong, silent and awkward early meetings. But - in 2017 - filled with a burning desire to share everything I was learning about self-development (why aren’t we all taught this stuff?!) and inspired by my experiences of being held by others in the AA rooms and the therapist’s chair, I decided to start a book club that focused on self-discovery and personal development. And book clubs only work if people talk to each other. And if I was in charge I was the one who had to start the talking. I still don’t find this easy, and I know lots of our members feel the same. But we get together and feel the fear and do it anyway because we do understand the power of being able to get vulnerable and share with the right people, and the value of being able to support others to do the same.
Our Read-along for How We Heal starts Monday 14th July. Join us!
Very interesting list!! I recently published my first book ‘Too Hard to Swallow’ all about living with chronic illness, and in there I put together a huge list of the different modalities / experiences / treatments I tried too ….. many similar in fact (save the 🍄).
I came to the conclusion that healing is personal, individual and that different things work for different people - but the golden thread that connects us all as humans, is that often, once we stopping striving to find a magic cure, a silver bullet or a guru to rescue and fix us we come to a place where healing happens: not in the moments of doing, but in the space in between. In the integration of learning, of being and of accepting….. and of recognising that there is no final destination!!