9 books (and 1 event) to cure your loneliness
Supporting Loneliness Awareness Week (and you) the best way I know how
Hello everybody,
Before we get into this, I’m sorry about the clickbait headline. Of course a book (or 9) can’t cure loneliness. But I did really want to get your attention on this topic. (And 15+ years of tabloid training will never be entirely forgotten).
Also, I’m only kinda sorry, because - I would argue - choosing to read about something shows awareness of an issue and a willingness to learn more about it… which in my world is exactly how we start to cure and/or change something.
You wouldn’t have started reading this post unless loneliness is something you think or worry about, feel or have felt. And I’m here to remind you that that is VERY NORMAL.
Tomorrow marks the start of Loneliness Awareness Week in the UK (9-15 June). Hosted by The Marmalade Trust, this week exists to raise awareness of, and reduce stigma around, the natural human emotion that is loneliness.
We all feel lonely sometimes. As we should. Like all emotions, loneliness works as a messenger telling us that something - in this case our social health - needs to be addressed.
Loneliness: the gap between the kind and amount of human connection you desire vs. the kind and amount you're getting.
Simone Heng (Let’s Talk About Loneliness)
But the shame around feeling it often keeps us from admitting it. To ourselves or others. Which means we’re unlikely to do anything about it… and so the cycle continues and we’re on a downward spiral to feeling more and more lonely.
(The loneliest I’ve ever been was when I was out every night, working on a news desk surrounded by 100+ writers and editors and living my best life on social media).
And I don’t mean to alarm you… (or maybe I do)… but the stats on the impact of loneliness on our mental and physical health are bloody alarming, including:
Increased Risk of Depression and Anxiety (people experiencing loneliness are more than twice as likely to develop depression. – U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory, 2023)
Greater Risk of Cognitive Decline and Dementia (loneliness is associated with a 40% increased risk of developing dementia.– Alzheimer's Society UK)
Disrupted Sleep Patterns (loneliness contributes to poorer sleep quality and increased fatigue, which worsen mental resilience. – Cacioppo et al., 2002)
Increased Stress and Cortisol Levels (chronic loneliness activates the body’s stress response, leading to elevated cortisol (te stress hormone), impairing mental health.
– APA Monitor on Psychology).Higher Risk of Suicide (loneliness is associated with a 5x increase in suicide risk in some populations. – Journal of Affective Disorders, 2024)
The good news - because there IS good news - is that there is LOTS we can do to manage, mitigate and combat loneliness.
Starting with LEARNING more about it. And then TALKING about it (feel the ick and do it anyway, people).
`To grow exponentially, shame absolutely needs three things: secrecy, silence, and judgment. Shame cannot survive two things: being spoken and being met with empathy.'
Dr Brene Brown
So today I’m sharing 9 book recommendations covering different aspects of loneliness, including; finding community, social prescribing, understanding our values, working out who’s worth our time and energy, knowing when to say goodbye to a bad relationship, and knowing the difference between being alone and being lonely.
And I also want to invite you to a brilliant - and totally FREE! - online event this week with Let’s Talk About Loneliness author, TED talker and Human Connection Specialist, Simone Heng. Simone will join us on Wednesday evening at 7pm (UK time) and this event is open to ANYONE, so you’ll find the Zoom joining link at the end of this post and I’d love you to share it with friends, family, colleagues, pupils, pet sitters, HR departments etc etc etc!
(I’d also love to know if you have any other book recommendations on loneliness, community and connection - please share in the Comments if so).
See you on screen?
Toni 💛
9 BOOKS TO CURE LONELINESS
Belong by Radha Agrawal. My all time favourite book on how to find your tribe. This is the book I recommend to all new Shelf Help Hosts and anyone wanting to host any kind of community event, as well as anyone who doesn’t yet know who their ‘tribe’ is. It’s filled with exercises and advice for defining the kind of people you want to be surrounding yourself with, as well as defining the kind of person you want to become.
Let’s Talk about Loneliness by Simone Heng. The definitive book on loneliness in today’s hyper-connected world. Simone is a Human Connection specialist and a sought after speaker and I can’t wait to host her for our author event this week.
LonelyLess by Gill Hasson. A gentle and supportive beginner’s guide to making friends as a grown-up (you can watch my interview with self-help teacher Gill HERE).
4-6: Find your own happy ever after, own your aloneness and get a therapist’s take on who deserves a place in your life… Love Me by and
Alonement by Francesca Spector are two books that offer fresh perspectives on what makes a happy and fulfilling life when it comes to romance and soul mates. They also remind us that being alone and being lonely are very different things (you can watch my interview with Marianne Power HERE).
Who Deserves Your Love by KC Davis. This is the May/June BOTM, supporting the Club theme of healthy relationships, and in it therapist KC shares the process she uses to support clients to start, strengthen, or - sometimes - end a relationship (you can watch our author event with KC at the link below).
7-9: Be brave, get clear on your values, and heal by supporting others… Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Dr Brené Brown. Creating meaningful and lasting connections in all areas of our lives requires vulnerability. And that requires courage. And researcher Brené is my favourite expert in both.
Start with Values: How to Build A Life With Meaning and Purpose by Bradley Hook. I’m sharing this because understanding our own values is vital if we want to create nurturing relationships that support them.
The Connection Cure: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service, and Belonging by Julia Hotz. A manifesto on the power of social prescribing to heal (and you can watch our author event with Julia HERE).
(And 3 more from our BOTM author, KC Davis)
In our BOTM, Who Deserves Your Love, author KC Davis urges us to build an ‘advisory team’ of friends, mentors and professionals (as needed) who we can trust to give us feedback, encourage us, challenge us, and walk us through hard things and difficult decisions. And she shares three books on how to create this kind of meaningful community…
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends by Marisa G Franco
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John Cacioppo and William Patrick
Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World by Jennie Allen
📚 AUTHOR EVENT JOINING INFO: Let’s Talk About Loneliness with Simone Heng
Wednesday 11th June, 7pm (UK time)
A totally FREE online event open to all and supporting Loneliness Awareness Week.
As a Human Connection Specialist, Simone teaches people how to build meaningful relationships with those that matter the most, how to forge new friendships, and how to create more of the genuine connections we all crave.
Use the button below or this link - https://us02web.zoom.us/j/87211204923 - to join (and please share the event invitation/link with anyone you think might find it useful).
NB there won’t be any breakout rooms and you don’t need to have cameras on for this one. This this event will be recorded.