What do 3,000 orgasms have to do with self-help?!
And what's on a sex coach's bookshelf?
Happy V Day my loves,
My Valentine’s gift to you is a guest post from Substacker and sex and relationship coach , who helps people turn their sex lives from ‘meh’ to ‘yeah!’.
Rebecca, based in Melbourne, Australia, went from a sexless marriage to a 'multi-orgasmic wonderland' and wrote a book about it, so you can too (she also shares on Substack at ).
In today’s guest post (the first here at the Clubhouse) she’s sharing more about her work and her book, as well as the books that have made the biggest impact on her life and career and what she’s reading right now…
Enjoy!
Toni 💛
Q: What do you write about, and why?
A: I write for people who are craving an expansive vision for their intimate lives. My work speaks to women seeking to reconnect with their desires, those healing from passionless relationships or exploring their sexuality after a breakup or life transition, couples looking to rekindle the spark, and anyone ready to embrace self-love, empowerment, and the joy of intentional intimacy.
Through my writing, I help readers craft their own Intimacy Vision—a personal roadmap that aligns their desires, values, and goals to create a deeply fulfilling and intentional sex life. I encourage reclaiming pleasure as a powerful act of self-care, recognising that prioritising sensuality is not indulgence but an essential part of resilience and well-being.
I also explore Mindful Intimacy, offering techniques to enhance presence and connection during sex, while providing practical strategies for communicating desires with confidence. Readers learn how to express fantasies, needs, and boundaries openly, without fear or shame.
At its core, my work is about sexual empowerment—rediscovering your body’s potential, celebrating pleasure without guilt, and exploring intimacy with curiosity and courage. For couples, I share insights on sustaining deep emotional and physical connection, ensuring that passion and growth remain alive in long-term relationships.
Q: Tell us about your book…
A: My Amazon best-selling memoir/self-help book, "3000 Orgasms: How I Went from a Sexless Marriage to a Multi-Orgasmic Wonderland", tells the story of how I went from feeling disconnected from my body and desires to fully embracing my sexuality, self-worth, and pleasure.
It’s part deeply personal journey, part practical guide for anyone looking to reclaim their own intimate life and is divided into three sections:
The Dormant Years explores how I lost touch with my sexuality, with chapters like The Awakening and From Passion to Silence, where I reflect on the slow unraveling of intimacy in my marriage.
The Unleashing is where things get exciting—The Summer of Rebecca was my season of discovery, A New Love, A New Me shows how I redefined my relationship with sex, and The Year of 3000 Orgasms (yes, really) tracks the life-changing impact of prioritising pleasure.
The final section, Reclaiming Your Pleasure, is where I bring it back to you, the reader. This is where I break down how you can transform your own intimate life, with chapters like Building Sexual Confidence, Mindful Sex, Communication and Connection, and Sustaining Sexual Excitement.
There are also bonus chapters—one filled with real-life stories from other women who reclaimed their desire, and another For the Men, because partners need guidance too. At its heart, 3000 Orgasms is about more than just sex—it’s about self-love, confidence, and the courage to redefine intimacy on your own terms. And honestly? I wouldn’t change a single chapter.
At its heart, 3000 Orgasms is about more than just sex—it’s about self-love, confidence, and the courage to redefine intimacy on your own terms
Rebecca Ferguson
Q: How would you describe your relationship with yourself?
A: My relationship with myself is the deepest, most passionate love affair of my life—and it took me years to get here. For a long time, I put everyone else’s needs before my own. I was the devoted wife, the self-sacrificing partner, the woman who slowly lost touch with her own desires in the name of keeping the peace. I ignored the quiet whispers of my body, the yearning for more, until one day, I couldn’t anymore.
Rebuilding my relationship with myself started with curiosity. I had to ask: What do I truly want? What makes me feel alive? I explored, I experimented, and I gave myself permission to experience pleasure—not just in sex, but in life. I learned that pleasure wasn’t frivolous or selfish, but a form of self-care, a way of honouring who I am.
Now, I treat myself with kindness and reverence. I listen to my body. I celebrate my sensuality. I honour my boundaries. And I show up for myself—fully, unapologetically, and with so much love.
Q: Which books have been pivotal in your life? And what’s one book you wish everyone would read?
A: Several books have shaped my journey, both personally and professionally, in profound ways:
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy was the first book that made me think deeply about sexuality, power, and shame. Tess’s story was both devastating and eye-opening, showing how a woman’s desires—and society’s perceptions of them—can shape her fate. It instilled in me an early awareness of the cultural narratives around sex and the consequences of not owning our own stories.
Come as You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski was life-changing. It gave me the language and science to understand my own desires, teaching me that arousal and pleasure are deeply personal and influenced by everything from stress to self-perception. Nagoski’s work validated what I had been experiencing and gave me the confidence to explore sexuality on my own terms.
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel transformed the way I think about long-term relationships and desire. It helped me understand why passion can fade in committed relationships and how to keep intimacy alive through space, mystery, and playfulness. Her insights became a foundation for my coaching practice and my own love life.
If I had to choose just one book that I wish everyone would read, it would be Mating in Captivity. Perel is one of the most incisive thinkers on relationships and sexuality, and this book completely reframes the way we understand desire in long-term relationships. She dismantles the myth that love and passion should always go hand in hand and offers a brilliant perspective on how to sustain eroticism while maintaining emotional intimacy.
What I love most about her work is how she challenges the idea that closeness alone fuels desire—it doesn’t. Instead, she explores how mystery, playfulness, and a little psychological distance can actually reignite passion. Her insights helped me personally, as well as in my work with clients who struggle with dwindling desire in long-term relationships. She makes space for nuance, for contradictions, for the complexity of real-life intimacy.
If more people read this book, I truly believe we’d have healthier, more fulfilling relationships—ones that balance love with excitement, intimacy with eroticism, and comfort with adventure.
Q: And what are you reading right now?
A: Right now, I’m reading The Other Significant Others by Rhaina Cohen. It’s a fascinating look at the deep, life-shaping role of friendships—something we often overlook in a culture that prioritises romantic relationships above all else.
This book is helping me understand just how vital strong friendships are, not only for personal well-being but also for sustaining intimacy in all its forms. As a coach, it’s reinforcing what I already see in my clients: that fulfilling relationships don’t have to fit the traditional mould, and that emotional support, connection, and even deep love can come from many places.
On a personal level, it’s also resonating with me as a single parent raising two AuDHD pre-teens almost full-time. My friendships are my anchors—they help me stay sane, stay connected, and remind me that love isn’t limited to just one kind of relationship.
Thanks for reading. 💛
You can find out more and sign up to Rebecca’s Substack here:
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Thanks, I am going to get the books you recommend..have been married 40 years still madly in love and want to keep that going 💖