What being a dryrobe w@nker can teach us about happiness and community
(not everybody gets us… and that’s ok!)
Hello everybody,
At first glance today’s topic may seem a little niche for a self-help sage, but unless you’ve been living under a (warm and dry) rock lately, I know you've heard of The Dryrobe.
If you live anywhere remotely chilly or damp, you probably own - or covet - one.
And I think we all know by now that life’s lessons can come to us in all kinds of ways, including sartorial.
The oversized, fleece-lined, waterproof and windproof super jacket began life as a wearable changing room for surfers in Cornwall in 2010.
Its original intended use was a ‘changing robe’ that helped British people to keep doing the outdoorsy stuff they love all year round.
But over the 14 years since its release - and especially since we all forgot how to dress in lockdown - the dryrobe (or dryrobe® to use its official title) has morphed from a stylish surfer accessory into a midlife must-have for any of us planning on leaving the house between September and March.
This ‘practical fashion phenomenon’ peaked in 2022 when it was dubbed ‘the most wanted coat in Britain’, and is now as synonymous with autumn as pumpkin spice and fairy lights.
Proximity to the sea or beach, or indeed any kind of nature at all, not required.
And - as with most once-cool items that threaten to reach mass appeal - the haters are mad about it.
The term ‘dryrobe w@nker’ (DRW) started life as a derogatory phrase.
Its original intended use was an insult; a way for (certain) men of a certain age to belittle and make fun of us women of that certain age for daring to want to be warm and dry miles away from a beach or lake.
There’s #s, IG accounts, Reddit threads and Facebook groups dedicated to the calling out and shaming of DRWs wearing their robes on occasions not deemed appropriate for this level of activewear.
The Sun slammed DRWs this year, saying: ‘Mums who wear Dryrobes on school run are lazy and have zero fashion sense – they’re ugly and look ridiculous.’
But - just as the changing robe itself was once appropriated by those (us) pesky female midlifers - the term itself is now being reclaimed and reframed and worn as a badge of honour. YES, girls!
As a dryrobe® (official) owner for a couple of years I used to be at pains to point out that I was definitely NOT a dryrobe w@nker.
I live in the country, I have a dog, I sometimes wild swim and I love a wintry beach.
All of these (mud, water, cold, sand) being excellent reasons to have a dryrobe® , because they are valid reasons for needing to stay/get warm and dry, and sometimes get changed out of wet clothes.
But - guess what - I’ve also worn my robe at:
Festivals (the many pockets being excellent for smuggling drinks and snacks in from the campsite. I also slept in mine one night at Glastonbury 2023)
On a Ryanair flight (those multi-pockets again making excellent sneaky storage)
To put the bins out in the rain (basically naked underneath)
To the Ipswich Road Tesco many many times when its not even raining (usually not naked… but you’d never know)
And I don’t have kids, but if I did I would 100% wear my robe on the school run and on the footie sidelines.
Which means that - according to the internet and my boujis gay city friends - I most definitely AM a dryrobe w@nker.
And - guess what - upon careful consideration, I don’t care!
In fact, I’m delighted to be part of this cosy crew of people choosing warmth and toastiness over sex appeal and fashion snobbery, and reclaiming the wearing of the dryrobe as an act of autumn and winter self-care (because these coats are pure hygge in garment form).
Not because I’m above caring what other people think of me (although I’m definitely on my way there) but because - inspired by queen of the DRWs (and the midlife rant), Davinia Taylor - I’ve found my freaky friends, women online and offline who refuse to be shamed for our wardrobe choices and instead are finding strength in numbers, and owning the DRW acronym.
Dry Robe Wankers unite!
We get it. It’s not cool to wear a dryrobe unless we are doing a dryrobe-worthy activity.
But guess what. We know it’s not cool. And we‘re gonna wear our dryrobes wherever the hell we want anyway.
And how freakin’ cool and subversive is that?!
I love Davinia’s videos embracing the dryrobe and sharing the shade she gets thrown by (mostly) middle-aged men as she’s going about her day.
Her latest post - featuring the rather epic DRW socks - has over 14,000 likes.
It made me laugh and immediately want to identify as a loud and proud DRW.
A quick google search then introduced me to the ‘Proud to be a DRW’ Facebook group (2k+ members) and a whole raft of merch on etsy.com.
Because yes there are people offended by us dryrobe lovers.
And us self-help readers.
And us stationary nerds.
And [insert any other kinda weird thing you love here].
But - if you look - you can also always find the opposite. Always.
And connecting (even digitally) with Davinia and her followers has reminded me that there’s something truly wonderful about finding your tribe.
That feeling that other people can be as weird (and wonderful) as you are. That somebody ‘gets you’ (when it often feels that so many don’t). That whatever your thing is there are other people out there into it as well. That you are not alone.
That where there is merch, there is love.
And - ironically? - its once we find that sense of belonging with others that we become so much more happy and confident in being our selves.
Find your tribe and love them hard, people!
(And then tell the world so that other people who need them can find them too).
The dryrobe® strapline is; ‘don’t let the cold stop you from doing what you love’ and I’d like to suggest a DRW strapline of; ‘don’t let the haters stop you from doing, wearing and loving what you want’.
Stay warm, Shelfies.
With love from SH HQ,
Toni 💛
my husband, who often lovingly refers to me as his fashion statement, will tell you there is nothing sexier than a woman who doesn't give a sh.t about what other people think about her style, her attire, her make up (or lack of), her hair (do, color, cut, etc). We both agree, the sexiest women are the ones who are confident in the skin they are in to do what they want how THEY want. If it means going with the latest trends, great! if it means swimming against the trend, great! As long as the doing comes from confidence and with love and acceptance of those who dare to wear differently. So yeah, though I don't own a dryrobe here in warm and humid Florida, USA, I totally applaud telling anyone who dares to criticize a woman 'of a certain age' or disposition, any woman really, I'm totally happy being who I am and how I present myself. Consider this . . . if anyone (man, woman, fashionista, influencer, etc) has so much time to pass judgement on any woman (ANY WOMAN) they truly need to get a life. Because, the only thing they are truly doing in offering up criticism is showing off just how shallow and meaningless their little existence is.
Well, apparently I've been living under a rick because I had never heard of the dryrobe! 🤣 In Spain we have a saying: may I be warm and other people laugh about it, meaning that if something it keeps you warm, who cares if people think it's ugly, and I've always lived by it!