3 phases to establish any habit: From Unbearable to Uncomfortable to Unstoppable
It's simple, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Plus tonight we go LIVE with habit expert and ADHD coach, Gabrielle Treanor
Hello everybody,
This month we’re continuing our exploration of optimal morning routines to support our self-development and our self health.
And a HUGE part of this is introducing/re-introducing healthy habits.
Now that we’ve learned about the theory - the what and the why - of author Hal Elrod’s S.A.V.E.R.S. system (Silence * Affirmations * Visualisation * Exercise * Reading *Scribing) it’s time to put these rituals into practise, and in the latest section of BOTM, The Miracle Morning, Hal invites us to undertake a 30-day transformation journey (Members/Subscribers - you’ll find your invitation to our 30-day accountability group in the Members Only section below).
And whether you’re looking to create a new morning routine OR any other kind of habit, he shares a simple 3-phase strategy that can support any kind of behaviour change:
Phase 1: Unbearable
Phase 2: Uncomfortable
Phase 3: Unstoppable
The idea is to recognise these stages and lean into them as they happen in order to progress to the next one (and ultimately SUCCESS) rather than give up when it feels impossible at first (because it will) or cringey/boring halfway through (because it will).
In the book Hal counsels us: “When you don’t know what to expect and aren’t prepared to overcome the mental and emotional challenges that are part of the process of implementing a new habit, it’s easy to fail.”
“When you don’t know what to expect and aren’t prepared to overcome the mental and emotional challenges that are part of the process of implementing a new habit, it’s easy to fail.”
Hal Elrod
He then guides us through a 30-day programme, with each of the 3 stages lasting around 10 days.
If the habit you’re trying to create/break is something to be done daily I highly recommend getting started ASAP (join us this week to create a Miracle Morning habit?!)
But some habits aren’t daily things we’re trying to create/break, in which case remembering these stages remains useful for any kind of behaviour change, regardless of your timeline.
Some real-life (TJ) examples of 3-phase habit change for you:
RUNNING: For the first time in 20+ years (!) I’m taking running seriously enough to train for a 10km run (end of March). I’m running 3 x per week and tomorrow will be run #7. And I’ve already moved from unbearable to uncomfortable. During the first couple of run/walks all I could think about was getting to the end of the 5 minute intervals. And I dreaded them all. But I turned up and did the ‘unbearable' several times (mostly because I told my friends and the internet that I was going to) and then - miracle of miracles - during my most recent training session (#6) I actually forgot about the time for some of the run and got lost in a podcast (Stalked on BBC Sounds - SO good! 40ish mins/episode, sharing a link below). Uncomfortable Phase is go!
DANCING SOBER: I LOVE going out dancing with my friends. I used to think I loved drinking and dancing, and if you’ve been here a while you know that not drinking has been, well, a thing! For a long time thinking about giving up the booze felt like I would be giving up some of my favourite things in life, and learning to go ‘out out’ and not drink has been a long and winding process (30 raves in 30 days not really being an option). But this weekend, fuelled only by avocado on toast, a glass of fizz (0% Noughty Sparkling Chardonnay) and a can of energy drink (or two), some friends and I hit Day Fever Norwich and had the best time (see smug dancing video below).
The first couple of times I went sober dancing were 100% mortifying. Once I hid in the loos the whole time. Once I snuck some Gordon’s Gin miniatures into a healthy breakfast rave and added them to my green juice (🙈). And on several occasions I wore sunglasses and a baseball cap to try and hide myself and my self-consciousness. In the dark. What a kn@b. UN.BEARABLE. (me and the sober dancing). But I kept showing up to parties and dance floors and pushing myself to dance while cringing inside until it became less ‘kill me now’ and more just plain uncomfortable. And now I’m booking tickets and inviting (sober and non-sober) friends to day discos and weekend raves and festivals and Ibiza and not thinking twice about what/whether I’ll be drinking. And that does me feel unstoppable.
LIVE INTERVIEWS: Learning about and sharing people’s stories is another one of my favourite things to do. I LOVE interviewing people, and running an online platform means that I get the opportunity to do that live, sharing the experience and bringing you guys along for the ride. These days I get a total buzz from being live with an author or expert, whether that’s in our Zoom room, on Instagram or now here on Substack. And I’m SO looking forward to talking to our guest author Gabrielle Treanor tonight. But it’s taken a few years to get here. Lockdown meant that our events went online in 2020 whether I was ready or not, and initially the tech-side of things used to stress me out so much I would physically freeze up online. Not ideal when you have a best-selling author waiting for a question and a few hundred people watching. But at the same time as being terrible at it I could see the potential of this format to make self-help more accessible and support these teachings to reach more people and - one day maybe - to even be enjoyable?! And so I wanted to get better at it. And - guess what - the only way to get better at going live is to go live. A lot! And so, again, I went through the Unbearable - Uncomfortable - Unstoppable process, battling tech gremlins and stage fright and tricky guests along the way, and now I 100% look forward to going live with anyone, at any time with you all.
These are just 3 examples of the 3-phase habit strategy in action. There are hundreds more I could share. Because this sh!t works.
I’d love to know about/celebrate/support your habit change stories. What’s your equivalent of the pounding the pavements or the sober dance floor? Let us know in the Comments.
And if you’re interested in learning more about creating/breaking habits through a neurodiverse lens, please join coach and author and I online TONIGHT at 7pm here on Substack (all welcome - Subscribers will get an alert and joining link email, followers need to be on the platform to join).
We’ll be talking about Gabrielle’s specialist subjects of micro habits and marginal gains as well as how best to create healthy habits with ADHD (Gabrielle is late diagnosed ADHD and recently launched a group support space here on Substack called ).
(And if you’ve never joined a live before, why not make this the day you do. Neither had I once, and now I host the things and I promise you they are a lot of fun AND a brilliant way to learn).
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
Neale Donald Walsh
See you on screen at 7pm (UK time).
Toni 💛
